I have been known to take a few cues from music, soaking up inspiration wherever I can get it. And even though I shot these images weeks ago, I was struggling with digging up something to write about. It has been two weeks since I created content here, and that’s because I haven’t managed my time carefully. I am making a big move this week, creating a new business, and I started dating again after being on hiatus for ten months. This weekend I managed to carve space to be with myself. I also downloaded tunes from the moody muse, Lana Day Rey. The lyrics to the track below are not exactly what I am going through (no, I did not fall for another loser), but “I’m feeling all my fucking feelings,” is pretty on point.
And there’s no coming back from the place that you came.
There is no
coming turning back. The woman you see now is in a state of evolution. I have grown, yet I have so much more growth to overcome. I am in my fucking feelings because that is where I need to be. I dove right in that freezing water to feel it all. These changes have been going down for months, and you know what? I am elated and impressed with how I am turning out. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. I was at an event yesterday where women in power were speaking. Kirsty Godso, Nike Master Trainer said, (paraphrasing) “We are not exclusive to fucking up. That doesn’t make you special. Realize that you messed up and move on.” It was the realist shit I ever heard!
I have given myself permission to admit where I went wrong. I breathed into it and moved forward. But, it wasn’t so much that I have been wrong lately. I had been feeling guilt over my past. I felt guilty for who I used to be, and it was bringing me down. I still have some more healing to do, but I don’t mind turning on some music and diving right in, all over again. I also love you for reading this. I love that you are on this journey with me. Please stay tuned for the big reveal. I will be launching a blog post on why I quit drinking. Keep coming back!
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Photographed by Xin Wang